Forbidden Questions About Hillary

Forbidden Questions

American Spectator - Monday May 4, 2015

We continue to be admonished by all-knowing Republican consultants to stay away from Hillary’s health or age lest we be thought insensitive. As to my personal view on Democrat sensibility, it can be described as something that rhymes with “bucket”—to borrow a term from our dear President who is known for neither his decorum nor his sensitivity. So here are a few questions for the likely Democratic nominee.

During the last presidential campaign, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan both released extensive medical records which, according to the New York Observer, “reveal[ed] more than probably anyone ever wanted to know,” including their weight, exercise routines, diet regimes, and what drugs they were on. Might Hillary follow their example and release her medical records? And might they be equally detailed?

Might Hillary let us in on her lifestyle choices which could account for her present state of health? Might she tell us about her diet? We discount the tacos picked up on the run—rather drive—during her Scooby Doo tour. What about her alcohol intake? Never mind the photos showing her boozing it up in a Cartagena bar in April, 2012, causing the Guardian to observe Hillary could “throw down just as enthusiastically as a young Hill staffer.” That was surely an aberration. And the tragic fall, with the ensuing “traumatic brain injury,” later that year? The fall that was attributed to “dehydration from a stomach virus.” You get dehydration from excessive alcohol use too, but if that was the case we won’t know till we see your medical records.

Might Hillary reveal to us her exercise regime? Back in 2011 she told Politicoabout her weekly workouts at home with a personal trainer and a personal yoga instructor. But we’ve never actually seen Hillary do anything physical. So it’s only fair to ask whether she plans to follow the tradition and throw the ceremonial first ball from the pitcher’s mound at a baseball game when she’s president. Has she been practicing? Are we talking underhand or overhand?

What does she think about her potential rival for the Democratic nomination, Martin O’Malley. Does she plan any O’Malley-like photo shoots—on a sunny beach, in a bathing suit running across the sand and into the waves? Might she form a rival rock band?

Who does she have on her iPod? Obama revealed some of the artists the had on his: Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Jay-Z, Eminem, the Fugees. And Marco Rubio revealed to the Washington Post that he created a Spotify playlist in 2013 with songs from Tupac, Kanye West, Pitbull, and Flo Rida. Nicki Minaj is one of his long-time favorites.

Does Hillary know what “Spotify” is? Is she familiar with any of the artists that Obama or Rubio favor?

What does she think about the 73-year old Bernie Sanders entering the race for the Democratic nomination? Might he syphon off any of the youth vote? Could she beat him in an arm-wrestling match? In the 3-yard dash (without a walker)? Is she going to make liver spots look sexy?

Is she cool enough to follow an Obama presidency? Could she slow jam the news with the Roots as Obama did on the Jimmy Fallon show? Might Fallon honor her too with super-cool appellation: “The Preezy of the United Steezy”?

What would she do to follow Obama’s interview with the “Pimp with the Limp” DJ Laz Airs?Seeing as how Barbara Walters has retired?

You might possibly think that I am getting positively giddy with the possibilities of dog-whistling Hillary with respect to her age and health. So I’ll stop now. But you might come up with some dog whistles of your own. Please feel free to list them in the comments section of this article.