Boehner's Excuses!

I'm glad Warren Buffet offered to cover my losses in the White House poker game. Whaddya mean he's saying he never signed nothin?

I probably should have bought one of those new fangled calculators before agreeing to this deal. I left my abacus in my office by mistake.

They promised to name a federal prison after me. I'll have to look up what debtor means.

I had no choice. He threatened to use his chinese contacts to cut off suppliers of men's suits.

Obama assured me we would have peace in our time. Knock Knock. Humble pie delivery for you sir.

Ohio to build new turnpike in Boehner's district. It goes round & round in circles & the toll increases each time.

Boehner's district raising funds for new tourist attraction. Largest dunce cap in the world.

You mean this isn't the longest running drama in tv history? I didn't think Hollywood had budgets.

I thought take it or leave it meant I had to take it. It's always better to get something rather than nothing.

I don't understand it. I graduated with the highest honors from the Neville Chamberlain school of negotiation.

They promised me flying cars. Where the hell are the flying cars?

Now that's a slam dunk. I told those tea partiers to call me the school bus driver cus I was taken 'em to school.

My popularity ratings are sagging at home. Order more boose, pot, & flouride from that mexican cartel.

$5k reward for info leading to the arrest & conviction of the person who painted over my billboard. Donner's party is not funny.

Hey, this isn't Air Force 1. They promised me Air Force 1. Yes it is, we painted over that southwest logo.

Obama was insisting on a tanning tax, until I pointed out he was more tan than I am. Now that's how you negotiate.

Is this ship supposed to be half full of water? Don't worry it's cheaper to pay illegals to bail us out than to plug the holes.

who replaced my glasses with beer goggles? I can't believe I let that bitch Pelosi sucker me into this deal.

Don't tell anyone but what sealed the deal for me was not the Congressional pay raises. It was the free viagra at the commissary.

I'm not paying $20 for a ticket to watch this show. Don't worry we'll send you a partial refund in the mail. Now thats better.

I think they slipped me the date rape drug. All I remember is waking up with a corn cob up my ass, & news sayin fiscal cliff narrowly averted.

They promised me a free lube job, but the address they gave me was a gay bar.

I got obama on the ropes now. Only problem is my eyes are too swollen to see where he's at.
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